Article #49
Jimmy
Olsen - Nazi!!!
OR…
Really,
I can’t top that one
No,
seriously, I can’t really add much to that stellar headline that would make it
more eye catching. Let’s face it, if
someone casually remarks to you on the subway or bus that Superman’s best pal
and trusted ally was a Nazi, it would make you pause and take notice. And the fact that this startling statement
comes from someone who has decent hygiene and isn’t also asking you for spare
change, well, that would only heighten your curiosity, wouldn’t it? And I am here to satisfy that curiosity.
Firstly,
for those of you who don’t find the premise of a Nazi entrenched Jimmy Olsen
amusing, I would suggest you click away as fast as you can. For the rest of you who Googled
“Jimmy Olsen Nazi” and thereby stumbled onto this website, I bid you welcome –
and I was just wondering, does anyone out there have any change they could
spare?
Seriously,
I’m curious to see what happens to my hit counter with this entry. I mean, how many people out there are going
to type “Jimmy Olsen Nazi” into a search engine and come here? I may actually see the darned counter go
backwards. Freaky.
My copy
of this tale comes straight out of Superman Family #168, which naturally
reprints the tale from Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #86 from 1964 (or is that
1965?). As always, forgive me if I gloss
over the odd panel here or there. Trust
me when I say, you aren’t missing a thing.
Now let’s begin…
Character defining moment #1: While everyone else is watching the rare film
in the dark, Jimmy is oddly focused on the stacked cans of film, his briefcase conveniently
opened and facing the coveted reels. So,
yeah, I completely believe that one reel “accidently” fell in his case.
Rather
than return the reel to the Pentagon, Jimmy decides to run the film on his
projector, because, you know, those Pentagon guys are just a bunch of softies
when it comes to misplaced items…
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Just
one second! Professor Potter GAVE Jimmy
a “Time Bomb”? Really? A freckle faced kid is the best person to
take care of a time machine?
Methinks maybe Jimmy was “given” the time bomb the same
way the reel of film “accidently” fell in his briefcase. Just saying.
Brownie points to anyone who can figure out who Jimmy’s
“German Twin” turns out to be. I guarantee
it isn’t a shocker.
So, dressed in a rented WWII costume, a complete stranger
gets within shooting distance of the future President
of the USA uncontested. And then he gets
within shooting distance of a Nazi General…
I guess security was more lax back in the day.
Back in
WWII, chemical warfare was (fortunately) not readily used by Germans against
American forces. The fact is that even
though both sides had these weapons, they withheld using them for fear of a
significant reprisal. It was sort of
like a mini-Cold War during an actual war.
Anyway,
my point here is that having Jimmy appear out of the blue claiming to be a
member of “Chemical Warfare Squad” should give General Fritz a worrisome cue
that something wasn’t on the up-and-up.
Let’s see how the General responds…
Uhm, okay. Fritz here isn’t the brightest bulb there is.
Amazing how fast the American troops doffed their
uniforms and filled them with straw, isn’t it?
You know, General Fritz reminds me of someone…
“Hogan!” Ah,
Colonel Klink. I wonder if General Fritz
was the inspiration for the good Colonel?
I mean, the monocle is a dead giveaway.
Fun fact,
gases tend to go where the wind blows them.
If Jimmy had actually used poison gas, the cloud he created would’ve
blown away, and quite possible back towards the German troops and Jimmy
himself, depending on the breeze. For
this reason Fritz should have been peeved at Jimmy’s tactic – but in true
Sergeant Shultz fashion he SEES NOTHING, and is instantly enamored by the
sparkling ball Jimmy holds up.
So, without checking up on Jimmy’s background, Fritz
promotes the kid in a non-regulation uniform to Captain and his trusted
aid. And now, Jimmy thinks, as a Nazi
officer he’ll be able to find the identity of the Nazi Officer who looks
exactly like him.
Okay, in this story, Jimmy is our Sergeant Schultz.
Also, I don’t know what school Jimmy attended, but it
must’ve been pretty good to teach such flawless German. No one’s even questioned his accent, it’s
amazing!
He’s been promoted again? To Colonel?
I could be wrong, but isn’t there usually some paperwork involved in
this kind of thing? Wouldn’t someone get
suspicious when they notice there isn’t a Von Olsen anywhere in the German
military?
And within a short while the kid’s brought within shooting distance of der Fuehrer
himself.
So, Hitler has his doubts. And rather than check Jimmy’s credentials
they decide to test him.
Really?
You know, now that I think about it, Hitler really
reminds me of someone too…
The resemblance between Moe Howard of Three Stooges fame
and der Fuehrer is uncanny, isn’t it?
Give yourself a pat on the back if you figured out Jimmy
is his own twin.
I don’t know about you, but if I were in charge of a secret
police cartel, I’d be wary of the competence of anyone with the name Lotte Lutz.
And of course Jimmy only “pretends” to enjoy kissing her…
You know, I thought Jimmy was getting comfortable in his
role as a Nazi stooge, and then he flubs it.
Nice shooting Lotte! Remember what I said earlier about hiring
someone with the name Lotte Lutz for your secret
police?
And the capper… two of the highest ranking Nazi officers
are lying prone on the ground, so what does their trusted SS Guard do? HE HURLS A FREAKING GRENADE RIGHT AT
THEM!!! BRILLIANT!
And
there you have it. Honestly, I’m a bit surprised
that during their more conservative era of comic book publishing history, DC
had the cajoles to publish this story, complete with Swastikas and talk of gas
death squads. I guess it helped that
they made the Nazi high command appear even more idiotic than Jimmy, but any
sensible kid would then question, after reading this story, why on earth did it
take 4 years for the Allies to beat these guys?
And it looks like poor Jimmy is
going to lose his deposit on the costume he rented…
I think
I’ll call it a day. Take care!