Article #40
Captain
America and Wonder Woman’s Jet?
OR…
Gum
and Comics don’t mix
Anyone
out there remember when baseball (and other) sports cards came packaged with a
piece of gum? Seemed like a brilliant
piece of business by the candy manufacturers to get as much cash out of kid’s
pockets as they could. When I was a
youngster I’d plop down my quarter for a pack of 5 cards and a piece of pink,
rock hard gum that would always cut my cheek when I bit into it. Nothing says “fun” like the taste of your own
blood, right? Still, getting that
coveted Vincent Trembley rookie card was well worth it.
The
irony here is that, over time, the gum would eventually be dropped because it
ruined the cards, not the kid’s health.
See, the slightest bit of moisture would soften the gum enough so it’d
get stuck onto the card inside, ruining it.
Of course, back when kids messed around with their cards, sticking them
in spokes and tossing them at walls, this wasn’t an issue. However when folks started to, say, pay $1000
for a really nice Wayne Gretzky rookie card, well, the gum got kicked to the
curb.
Why
this trip down nostalgia lane? Well, not
too long ago I managed to stumble across one of these…
Some of
the more observant of you will recognize this right away. Good for you.
This here is a miniature comic book, measuring about 3.75 by 2.5 inches
and full of 10 whopping pages of new story, as the cover proclaims. This is issue 3 of a set of 6. Here’s a shot of the back cover…
So
there you have it kids, the comic book companies got the brilliant idea that
they, too, could sell lethal shards of pink confectionary to the public as
well. I can only presume this as it has
a very big UPC code. Mmm, certified
color – what the heck is certified color?
It’s kind of frightening to think of, but if the gum wasn’t pink originally,
what color was it? That brown smudge isn’t
a very encouraging sign, though.
Comics
are pretty flimsy things to pack gum inside of, wonder how the stuff held up
(be warned, the book was printed in 1981)…
The
back cover was made of slightly stronger card and could be unfolded, to reveal
lovely pink and brown stains. Seems even
plastic sealed mini-comics contain enough moisture to get the gum working. I won’t subject you to the horror image of
the actual gum itself. Suffice it to
say, seeing a wad of pink and pooh brown gum stuck on a piece of paper isn’t on
my highlight reel of life moments.
The gum
still tasted terrible too… excuse me a moment…
Okay, one
quick visit with the mouthwash and we’re good to go. I’m sure you’re here for the comic itself, so
let’s see what Captain America has in store!
To date
this issue you can note that Nick Fury is allowed to smoke in a government
building and the oval office was still in its horrible canary yellow décor phase.
The Red
Skull WIPED OUT AN AMERICAN CITY!!! Wonder
what city it was? Des Moines, Iowa? Can’t be New York, or you’d see Spider-Man or
some other Marvel character getting the heck out of there.
You’ve
got to love Cap’s newest addition to his arsenal, a special see-through plane
that’s completely stealthy. It’s so
novel and cool, I don’t think anyone’s ever thought of anything so clever
before
Or not. Man, Wonder Woman must’ve been pissed. Well, let’s continue shall we?
You
know, I really don’t understand how the Red Skull could shoot down EVERYTHING
the USA would launch at him, especially if they had the stealth technology for
a plane that practically landed at his doorstep undetected. Why not just use the same technology on a
rocket, or make the plane ram into the satellite, and save Cap the trouble?
Point
number two, I know he’s in outer space and all, but doesn’t the Red Skull
believe in security measures?
Point
number three, isn’t the Red Skull German?
Why would he have all the equipment on his satellite clearly labeled in
English?
Still,
props for the creative satellite there.
I don’t believe I’ve ever seen a skull shaped satellite like that used
in comics before
Hey,
look, it’s Brainiac’s skull shaped space ship!
To be fair, I think the Red Skull satellite came first, so shame on you
DC!
Why in
the world did the Red Skull build a self destruct switch? Satellites are very expensive to build (and
how did the Skull manage to get it out into space and set-up without the USA
noticing for that matter?) and they require meticulous planning, so he must’ve
put one in for a purpose. And why the
oddly specific time of 3 minutes? So
many questions, so little answers.
Will
Cap get out alive? Well, no actually, he
dies in space saving us all, making this the first ever death of Captain
America issue. I’ve put it up for sale
on eBay, starting bid is $50 US.
Yeah, I’m
a filthy liar.
I also
can’t figure out what the oxygen tank is attached to on Cap’s form-fitting
uniform. I didn’t see any hose opening
in other panels, so I can only guess it’s there for show. Or maybe since there’s no bathroom in the
stealth ship…
And
there’s a nice, English labeled escape hatch for Cap too.
In a
random thought, there was another rather dramatic incident that occurred in
1981. Perhaps, shortly after his election
and while recovering in hospital after an failed assassination attempt in 1981,
Ronald Reagan was given this issue as a gift, and he got so spooked by it that
the Star Wars program was born.
Sigh.
Image Within
the Image
Way
back when we had an image taken out of Adventure Comics #334 (I think, see my
mind, she don’t work so good) featuring the pitfalls for a Supergirl having to
change to go into action…
And in
a recent order of comics, Powergirl #4 had this wonderful little moment with
the title character and Terra, and another homeless person…
I won’t
show you the next panel where the poor drunk gets beaten to a bloody pulp…
Because
he doesn’t. The girls don’t even notice
him. Guess he was smart enough to keep
his mouth shut, unlike our friend who crossed paths with Supergirl.
I’d
like to think that someone came across the little Image I’d posted earlier and
was inspired to include this in Powergirl, but I’m not that naïve. It’s a freaky coincidence, I know, but still, you ROCK Amanda Conner!